home / blog /

(anti)social media


I[1] left[2] social media[3] for good in 2020.

This is kind of a deceptive thing to say. Any person who knows me is aware I rack up immense screen time on social media apps and websites. But the key is that these accounts are anonymous, or more accurately pseudonymous.

The actual thing I did in 2020 was remove my real life name and likeness from the internet. Ostensibly, I did this to leave my old self behind. As I made the decision to become a new (authentic & real) version of myself, I didn't want the baggage. Other factors contributed too, like how I started to hate and resent my old appearance.

I haven't mentioned the other part of social media. The everyone else. The actually social. The part where I have to see everyone that I have ever met's posts about things they think are important, which end up influencing me to also believe those things are important [4].

I have come to view this kind of experience as an psychological/intellectual posion. Not neutral, or junk, but poison. I have determined that I am incredibly sensitive to whatever informational "inputs" my brain recieves. Whatever I'm paying attention to has a very strong impact on my mood, ideas, and eventually beliefs. So nowadays, I try to be as intentional as I can, so I can have some control over the person I become.

On the other handd, one thing they don't tell you is that people will forget you exist when you leave social media. Out of sight out of mind? It's not purposeful, but people will forget you.

At first, this bothered me a lot. If people were really my good friends, wouldn't they remember to text me? Was the only thing keeping me in their mind my profile picture in the list of who viewed their Instagram story? But also, why shouldn't it be, plus they have much less time to sit and think than I do. Plus, my real friends didn't forget me, so it's probably fine I don't talk to the others anymore.

Also, and it's impossible to know for sure whether the lack of social media caused this, the set of things I considered as possible interests/hobbies increased exponentially over this period. Things that before I had put off limits for myself because they were ostensibly cringe, lowbrow, overly pretentious, low quality, or would generally make me look bad, were now on the table.

And most of them were actually great! Some I think I really only got into because they were so cringe--to prove a point to myself? That I could really do whatever I wanted now [5]. Rebellious teenager phase part 2 but it's actually just various mildly cringe music and anime and games.

Anyways this was a long post. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. Clearly, I love posting and in general saying raandom stuff online. It bothered me a lot to constantly watch and be watched by my irl peers. I don't mind an audience of many strangerss, though. Also, I think everyone needs more sitting and thinking time away from that damn phone But they have been saying that since Buddha times so I'll leave it